Fall 07, after a year of our relationship, Adam moved to Michigan for a Phd program in Statistics. The plan was for me to visit him four times during the semester and he me as well. The University of Michigan would be my first experience of Hillel, a university campus Jewish community. Also, being very long distance, this gave me much time for reflection and prayer.
Why is our relationship unaccepted? Why, having fallen in love with someone for the first time in my life, is it such a terrible thing to those closest to Adam and even a bit for Adam himself? Why does God have me meet this boy and, after years of wanting to be a nun, have me fall for him? For what purpose is our relationship? What does God want from me?
All the while, my visits to Adam and my experiences with the Jewish community in Michigan were going remarkably well. I loved Adam’s friends, I loved the services, and while I still felt a little out of place, my “acceptance” into the community felt more genuine and I was able to be more comfortable and talked to more people (that were not Adam) about Judaism. I even managed to befriend other Jewish students who Adam didn't know. I started to really like Judaism. Before, I wasn’t happy about it, possibly because Adam wasn’t happy with it either. It felt exclusionary, closed, sometimes insincere. But now, it seemed more real, more exciting and strong. Adam was happier and becoming more observant because of his more structured and secure life habits that Hillel brought and I was able to see this happiness and experience this community along with him. I realized I thought Judaism was great. Just like everything it has its ups and downs but I truly saw goodness and genuineness and a striving to be better. It was done then. I decided Judaism was what God wanted for me having given me Adam and having showed me the importance and beauty of this way of serving him.
work in progress
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